update!

Yeah, I know, I'm still a terrible blogger.

So here is what is going on with new baby. Everything is still going well; my "sickness" is under control as long as I take my super expensive medication. The baby is growing right on track with a strong heart beat. I'm "showing" now- which makes all my clothes fit kind of awkwardly. It's also throwing off my body's natural balance- making my back sore when I sit/stand/lay a certain way.

We had our anatomy ultra sound and found out that we are most likely going to have a girl. The doctor is 80% sure- so he will check again at my next appointment. Not gonna lie, I totally fought back tears through the rest of the appointment after he told us it was girl. I really had my heart set on having another a boy. Shopping for a girl will be kinda fun though.

More later.

quick update

Xander is napping, but who knows for how long, so I have to make this quick.

My last doctor's appointment was like the shortest ever. My appointment was at 9am and I was out of there with my next appointment set by 9:04.

Everything looked good. My blood work all looked good. I was starting to gain weight, rather than lose which is good. The baby's heart rate was good. And that was that.

Next appointment is the big reveal- will Lunt baby #2 be a boy or a girl? I am crossing my fingers and hoping for a boy, but I have a feeling that it's going to be a girl.

I learned today that even though I am 16 weeks along, I still need anti-nausea medication or I will start my morning hugging the toilet and feel nauseated all day long. Bummer- because that stuff is expensive! I wish Zofran worked for me this time round, it's like a 1/5 of the price of this new stuff. But I will happily pay not to puke!

I am starting to look kinda pregnant- but mostly just fat. My first pregnancy left me with a lose, flabby tummy- so even though my belly has popped, it's kinda droopy and looks more like a beer gut than baby bump. Which makes me kinda sad.... I wanted a cute bump again and I just don't think that will happen. I think I will just go from the awkward, "Is she pregnant or just fat?" stage to "Daaaaaaaaaaaaang! Is that twins?!" stage.

So, that's all for now- until we get the big news on July 9th. At least I've got Xander's first birthday to keep me busy until the end of the week!

two months later...

As usual, I didn't get around to posting as soon or as often as I thought I might. I have drafted dozen of blogs in mind since I last posted, but never got around to actually writing any of them down. So I will try to condense everything that has gone on in the last couple months into one entry.

I guess I will start where I left off. I had my appointment with Dr. Tutt to confirm the pregnancy, and sure enough there was a growing in there- and I got to see the little heart beat on the ultra sound screen. Turns out that I was quite as far along as I thought. The day I took the at-home test had to be the absolute earliest day that I could have gotten a positive result because when I went to see the doctor two weeks later I was just barely six weeks along- based on the measurements from the ultra sound. So, that was kind of disappointing.

I had been feeling optimistic about this pregnancy because I hadn't had any real sickness before my first appointment- well a couple days later it hit and it hit HARD. I was even more sick this time around than I was with Xander and Zofran was doing, pretty much, nothing. So I just dealt with non-stop nausea until my second appointment when my doctor gave me a sample of a new anti-nausea medicine- Diclegis. It works pretty well. It seems to working even better lately, but that may just be because I am at the point in my pregnancy where sickness tends to lessen. I'm too scared to try a day without it though!

This pregnancy has been way tougher for me- on like every level- than the first one. Emotionally, I am a wreck. A big part of that is probably because this pregnancy was such a surprise. I have mostly come to terms with it now, but every now and then I break down. I just don't feel ready! But this baby is coming- ready or not! I cry at dumb things- like songs on the radio, tv commercials, etc. I don't remember doing that a whole lot when I was pregnant with Xander. My patience level is like zero- most of time and I feel pretty irritable. It reminds a lot of how I was when I was taking the fertility medicine.

Physically- I lost about 10 lbs from being sick. Now that I am not puking all the time, I am starting to put a little weight back on. I'm hoping to start working out daily again- to keep my weight under control this time around. My goal is to only gain 15-20 lbs through the entire pregnancy.

I think the hardest thing has been taking care of Xander while dealing with all the other stuff. It's super hard. I feel like I haven't been the best mom for him because I have been feeling so crummy and out of sorts. I'm doing my best, and I guess that's all I can do- but I just wish I could do better- be better- for him. He is constantly on the move and into everything, and that takes it's toll on a tired, pregnant mama. My favorite time of day is just before bed time, when I sit and hold him and read a story and sing him a song before bed. It's a nice peaceful time for both of us.

I am just entering my second trimester this week- and like I said, I am starting to feel better. I am regaining a little bit of energy and a lot more of an appetite. I am going to do my very best to live it up and enjoy the second trimester- because I know it's the easiest part! I plan on doing lots of fun things with Xander and Nathan- including Xander's first birthday which is coming up in just a couple weeks!

I am also really looking forward to my gender ultra sound in July! I think that is when my excitement level will really kick in- when I can start picking out names and clothes and planning a nursery and all that.

I am going to try and post again after my next doctor's appointment, next week.

ok, well, this is happening....

I seriously did not think that I would be writing in this blog anytime soon. My initial plan of keeping it up to date with what it was like raising a baby kinda went down the toilet when actually raising the baby started taking up all my time. So, I figured this blog would probably just sit here until like January 2015 when we would start "trying" again. 

Well,  I guess it shouldn't be a big surprise-- it seems that nothing goes as planned in my life! So anyway- here is the story...

My cycle has been all kinds of weird since Xander was born. With my infertility issues, this didn't come as big surprise to me. My period seemed to be coming every 4-6ish weeks- not super erratic, but not consistant either. Still- to keep my mind at ease, I would usually take a pregnancy test after 5 weeks just to be sure. So about a week ago, I decided to take the "peace of mind" test since it had been a little over 6 weeks. I assumed it would be negative and I could expect my period in a few days and then I could call up Dr. Tutt and ask him to put me back on the Nuva Ring- since I am winding down on the nursing and I can't remember to take oral birth control. Easy Peasy. So I took the test, and just the control line showed up- so I sat it on the counter and climbed back into bed with Xander and Nathan. 

Nathan went to get in the shower like 10 minutes later, and I said- half jokingly- "Hey, can you take a look at that test and make sure I'm not pregnant?" 

He looked at it, and said- "I don't know how to read these things...." 

"Well, is there one line or two?"

"I don't know, I think two?"

"What?! Bring it to me."

So he brings me the test, and sure enough there are two pink lines. My jaw just dropped and I just stared at Nathan for a second. "That means I'm pregnant!"

Only moments later I burst into tears, much like I did when I found out I was pregnant the first time. However, this time they were not tears of joy. I'm not sure what emotion I would tie them to.... shock?...terror?...disappointment?

In a blink of an eye, my plans for the entire year had been flushed down the toilet. The Disneyland trip that I have been anticipating for the last 5 years and was so, so super excited for would have to be canceled. The personal training that I have committed to through October isn't going to be nearly as effective- and most of the progress I've made in my weight loss might soon be reversed. I will probably look like a freaking whale for my high school reunion this fall. Not looking forward to being pregnant on the handful of road trips we had planned...

I know, all that sounds  really petty. And in all honesty, I feel super guilty for not leaping for joy and being over the moon excited. Like- reeeeeally guilty. I am just having a really hard time accepting the fact that everything I've been looking forward to this year is going away. It's disappointing and that makes me feel terrible.

Oh, and in case you've forgotten- Xander is only 9 months old- and now, in 9 more months- I am going to be doing this whole baby thing all over while juggling a 17 month old toddler. I am really scared and completely over-whelmed. I was not planning this at all and I am having a really hard time coping.

Nathan thinks that my feelings will change after I see the heartbeat at the doctor next week, and everything is confirmed. I hope so. I would really like to get excited about this- maybe once we start telling people, and they get excited, it will rub off on me.

I do feel blessed that our family is growing- and even more blessed that I didn't have to take that wrechted Clomid to do it. That is a huge blessing! My heart does swell a bit when I think of becoming a family of 4- I definitely wanted a second child- I just wasn't expecting him or her so soon! I am so, so blessed- just overwhelmed at the moment. It's been a week and I still freak out every time I think about it.

Anyway, my appointment with Dr. Tutt is in 8 days. I will let you know more after that. 

xander's birth story

Ok, it's finally done. After almost 2 months I am finally posting the birth story! I actually have been writing it in pieces since around the 4th of July- so you will have to forgive me if it is a bit choppy or doesn't flow quite right. I probably never would have gotten it done if it weren't for the iPad mini we bought a couple weeks ago. Xander hates the sound of the computer keyboard and always seems to know when I sit down at the computer to blog and suddenly gets hungry or poopy or just wants to be held. Thanks to the iPad I have been able to put the finishing touches on the story while he is sleeping on my chest. It's a wonderful thing! So without further ado, here is the story of how baby Xander came into our lives:

Tuesday, June 18th- 4:00 a.m.- I woke up with a terrible, terrible headache. I couldn't find Tylenol anywhere in the house, so I put some clothes on and drove over to Walgreen's to get some. Unfortunately, the Tylenol wasn't doing much, so I took my blood pressure to see if that is what was causing it, and of course, it was high. My discharge instructions from the last time I was at the hospital told me that if I had a headache that didn't go away with Tylenol to call my doctor. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for 4:30 that day, but I felt so weird that I called anyway- around 10:00 a.m. Whoever answered the phone let me know that since it was Tuesday, Dr. Tutt and his nurse, Brooke, wouldn't be in the office until 2:00 p.m. So, I left a message. It almost seemed pointless, since my appointment was only a couple hours after that, but around 2:45 I got a call from Brooke telling me that Dr. Tutt wanted me to skip my appointment and head over to L&D triage to be monitored ASAP.

So, I called Nathan and let him know what was going on. He got off work at 3:00 anyway, so that wasn't a big deal. When he got home, we loaded the hospital bag and pillows and such into the car-- just in case. We got to the hospital not long after 4:00- signed all the forms and stuff and they got into a triage room. After leaving a urine sample, they got me all hooked up to the monitors and took some blood. We hung out there for about an hour and a half to two hours while they ran the labs and kept an eye on me and the baby-- and then gave me discharge instructions and sent me home. I was pretty disappointed because I was hoping at my would-have-been appointment that they would check my cervix, and do an ultrasound to check on my aging placenta, and give me some sort of idea when I might be having this baby- and they didn't do any of those things at the hospital.

On the drive home I started having contractions that were a bit uncomfortable compared to braxton hix I had been having for the past few weeks- but they weren't lasting too long and weren't very close together. Nathan decided to swing into Taco Bell to grab something quick for dinner. While we were waiting in the drive-thru, I said to Nathan "I am pretty sure that I am in early labor right now and I am going to have the baby in the next day or so." I don't remember what he said exactly but he basically told me I wasn't in labor and that I was crazy and then I think I snapped at him and said something along the lines of "Don't tell me what my body is feeling!"

So, we went home and went about our business. Nathan started working on an order from Color Me Mine in the garage and I relaxed and watched a bit of tv, until I started feeling restless and decided to do some running around. I went over to my parents house and picked up a couple things that we had left there. My mom noticed the pillows and stuff in the car and I told her we bring them to every appointment now, just in case, and I just hadn't gotten around to taking it out yet. Then I headed over to Walmart to do some grocery shopping, because I figured Nathan was probably right and I wouldn't be going into labor anytime soon and I needed to get some stuff for lunches. For some reason, it didn't cross my mind that I was having real contractions while I was walking down the frozen food aisles- even though I had to stop walking until they were over. So, I went home and put the groceries away, and got ready for bed like I would normally. We snuggled into bed around 9:00 and put Frasier on Netflix. Nathan fell asleep pretty quick, like he usually does and I tried dozing off but I kept having this pain in my back/bottom with contractions that kept waking me up. Around 10:00 p.m. it dawned on me that I should probably start timing these things. So I got my phone out and pulled up my Sprout pregnancy app that has a contraction timer on it.

I watched Frasier and timed contractions for about an hour and half. They were consistently a minute or more long and between 3-6 minutes apart. I sat for a while and debated whether or not I should wake Nathan up yet. I knew the contractions were close enough together that I needed to at least go in to be checked (according to my discharge instructions from the hospital earlier that day.) I gave it another half hour, and I could tell the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, so I quietly woke Nathan up around midnight and said "I think we need to go to the hospital." I told him how long and how far apart my contractions were and how long I had been timing them. I also told him that I knew I was probably nowhere near close to delivering the baby so we didn't have to rush. I sat on the edge of the bed and Nathan rubbed my back a bit while we finished watching the episode of Frasier that was on the tv- while Nathan woke up a bit more. Then we got dressed and loaded up the car and headed to the hospital. I remember thinking on the drive how crazy this all was. I was in labor. This whole pregnancy thing was actually about to result in an infant after all, and holy smokes were my contractions starting to hurt!

We got to the hospital a little bit before 1:00 a.m.- early, early Thursday morning. We had to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes because there were a couple of people who came in just before us. We went through the whole process of signing the paperwork in the registration office and getting the wristbands and all that and they finally stuck us in triage room #3.

 You will have to forgive me, as the timeline and sequence of events gets a little blurry for me here- as I was in quite a bit of pain as my contractions got stronger and stronger. I remember changing into the hospital gown, and leaving another urine sample. They put the monitoring straps around my belly to measure the baby's heart rate and my contractions- which meant I was basically supposed to stay in one position in bed- every time I would roll over or something, they had to come in and re-adjust the monitor. This was incredibly frustrating to me because my body was telling me that I should be up moving around and swaying my hips or something to help with the pain of the contractions.A nurse came in to check my cervix- and with the pain I was feeling I thought I had to be pretty close to like 3 centimeters....Nope! 1 lousy centimeter! They told me they would keep me there for at least an hour to how I progress. At some point, another nurse came in and did an ultra sound to see if the baby was even in a good position for delivery. I don't think they ever really told me for sure if he was or not, but I do remember seeing his little face on the screen and smiling and feeling so happy....you know, in between the terrible, awful pain of the contractions. I remember feeling like I had to pee a lot- I think I went like 3-4 times in about hour- hour and a half.

One of the nurses came in a one point and told me that if I didn't progress they would find out what pain medication they could send me home with- and I remember thinking there was no way I could go home and go through this. The pain was getting worse and worse with every contraction and  my "breathing through it" was getting louder and louder. I found out that I was having "back labor" and oh my goodness, it was awful. After what felt like a decade, they came in to check me again and I was at 2 centimeters. Though I was happy I was progressing, I felt really sad and worried too, because I know they usually won't admit you until you are at like a 3 or 4. So, they called the doctor that was on call from my practice and a little while later an angel nurse came in delivering the heavenly news- that I was going to have my baby today! Dr. Layton had given the ok to admit me.

They told me they were getting my room ready and I asked "How long after I get into the room can I have an epidural?" I expected that I might have to wait until I progressed another centimeter or so, but they said I could have it as soon as I got there! That was such great news! I was in so much pain and was so tired, I just wanted to be able to rest.

So we walked down the hall to what would be my room for the day. While we were walking the nurse told us that lots of ladies were going into labor that night, and that they were having to cancel all the inductions. I kinda felt bad for the ladies whose inductions were being postponed-- but then I got another contractions and I didn't feel so bad for them anymore. Nathan told me that once my epidural was done that he would go out to the car and get the bags. Luckily, it didn't take very long for the anesthesiologist to get there. Before going into labor, I thought that I might hesitate or be a little nervous when it came to getting the epidural-- and I admit the horrible complications that could happen did briefly cross my mind-- but in general I wasn't scared about it at all. I totally trusted the trained medical professionals that surrounded me and the common sense part of my brain told me- this procedure is performed literally thousands of times a day, most of which go off without a hitch; and that's exactly how it worked out for me.

Everything was fine- and the pain that accompanied my contractions decreased pretty quickly. I could still move my legs fairly well- but they felt all tingly like they were asleep. I could still sort of tell when I was having a contraction too- from the tightening, but they didn't hurt. It was glorious! And of course, then they put a catheter in, since I got the epidural. After that, my super nice night nurse (who reminded me of friend, Kassi's, mom) got me all settled into position with a birthing peanut between my legs- which was supposed help the baby to move down and help my dilated faster. I thought it would feel awkward, but it was actually super comfortable and I fell asleep extremely fast. You know what else was more comfortable than expected? The couch. Nathan also fell asleep extremely fast. Going into labor in the middle of the night can be pretty exhausting.After I fell asleep- the nurse came in and had me roll to other side and helped me re-position everything about every hour or so, but it really didn't disturb me much; I was able to fall asleep again fairly quickly.

Me, at some point after the epidural

I think around 9ish my OB, Dr. Tutt, popped in and checked me. I hadn't progressed much- which was a bit disappointing. While he was there he also mentioned that he was a bit concerned about how high the baby still was- and that babies that are up that high sometimes don't like to come out on their own, implying that a c-section might be in my future. I did not like that news at all, but I just kept telling myself that whatever happens is meant to be, and I will be fine.

Again, the sequence of events and time table is a bit fuzzy for me because I was in and out of sleep all day. I am pretty sure that around the time Dr. Tutt came I was awake for about an hour and I chit chatted with Nathan and maybe watched some tv. I remember that the tv was on- but I can't remember anything I watched. I also think they started me on Pitocin around that time too- because my contractions had slowed down a bit.

After switching back and forth a couple times from laying on the left to laying on the right, I started feeling pain on my right side. I pushed my little epidural booster button and waited a little while, but it didn't really work- so I called the nurse to let her know. She told me they could give me a little more of a boost through the epidural, and I agreed. I felt relief fairly quickly but a few hours later the boost resulted in the weirdest sensation of my life. I could feel  nothing  from the bottom of my rib cage down. NOTHING!  I was absolutely and completely numb. I could not move my legs on my own anymore and honestly wasn't sure what position my legs were even in. The strangest thing was- even though I couldn't feel them-I still felt like my knees needed to be bent more to be comfortable- and since I couldn't move them myself, I had to ask Nathan and the nurse to bend my knees up more for me.

numb legs

One of the times that I woke-up, I suddenly had the need for Nathan to come over and sit with me and hold my hand. (Since I had been sleeping, he had been over on the couch watching tv and iFunny on his phone.) Of course, he did just what I asked. We talked for a bit about how crazy it was that we were going to be parents today and surreal it all felt- when all of a sudden a felt a small pop and then wetness down around my legs and my bum. I stopped talking- shocked momentarily- and looked at Nathan and said "My water just broke!" I called the nurse and she came in to check on everything. They were a bit worried because the baby had been sitting up do high, they though he might get tangled in the cord or that the rush of fluid may have made some of the cord come out- but luckily nothing went wrong, and my water breaking actually caused Xander's head to move right where it needed to be- ready to head down the birth canal!

The nurse explained to me that from here on out, the average woman usually progresses at about a centimeter per hour and that I was currently at about 4-1/2. Of course, she also told us that it is different for everyone- some women go faster, some it can take much longer. She also told me that first time moms often have almost an hour of pushing. So I looked at the clock (it was around 1) and figured with a slowly as I had progressed so far I probably wouldn't be having this kid until like 8:00 or later. I was ok with that, but also a little impatient because no one knew we were at the hospital and I was getting anxious to tell people. I kinda wanted to shout it from the rooftops that we were having this baby!

one of the last pictures taken of me pregnant!

The nurse helped me turn on to my side and adjust the peanut again, so I was all comfy. She told me she would come back in an hour or so to help me flip to try and help thing progress as quickly as possible- and I fell asleep again. Around 3:00 she came back and said she wanted to do a quick check before rolling me over to see if I had made any progress. I was still half way sleeping during this process but I do remember what she said next- "Well, you have no cervix left- the baby's head is right there!" And then Nathan asked  if that meant it was time and she said that we were ready have a baby.  Both Nathan and I were like- wow, that was fast!

She pulled the stirrups out from under the bed and got my legs all set up. It was weird because I was so numb. She told me we were going to do a couple practice pushes, since I couldn't really feel much below my chest. We waited for a contraction and then I just bared down and imagined where the baby needed to come out,and pushed as hard as I could. We did three, 10 count pushes- and the nurse said "That was very good! Don't do that again until the doctor gets here I am going to go call him now." 

Over the next 10-15 minutes nurses were in and out of the room, preparing it for delivery. I asked Nathan to turn on one of the relaxation channels on the tv; I chose one that showed a bunch of beach scenes. It was really nice and calming, and even showed some dogs playing in the waves which made me think of my pups at home, which was also comforting. Then there was this weird close up shot of a little white dog starring into that camera- it was an awkwardly long shot and it was kinda creeping me out! Anyway, Nathan and I had a good laugh about it while everything was going on around us. 

At about 3:20, Dr. Tutt came in and checked out the situation and confirmed once again that it was time. While he was putting the surgical gown on over his work clothes and getting all ready to deliver, I did another round or two of pushes with nurse. He was still getting in position when another contraction came and the nurse told me to push, he looked up and was like "Oh, wow- there's a head right there!"  I did my 3 pushes and the nurse told me how close I was and Nathan told me he could see the baby's head was out. Dr. Tutt said- "Let's do one more push right now just for the heck of it." So I did. There was a big gush of fluid and at 3:40 pm my baby was born!

It was crazy surreal. It was like- bam! Here's a baby. I remember Dr. Tutt holding up the baby and next thing I knew he was partially wrapped and laying on my chest. He wasn't really crying, which concerned me a little. He was making little grunts but not really crying. While I was holding him, one of the nurses was rubbing his legs and feet trying to get him to cry more- which he did eventually. Nathan took a few pictures and the nurse took him and got him all cleaned up and measured while they got me all stitched up and clean. I remember asking if he had hair and the nurse told us that "he has a lot of hair for a white boy." Which I thought was hilarious. He was a whopping 8 lbs 11oz and 22" long.

While they were giving Xander his first little sponge bath, I called my dad. The call started out something like this-

Me: Hey, what are you doing right now?

Dad: Working. What can I do for you?

Me: Oh nothing, I just had a baby.

Dad: What!? No way!

Me: Yeah, like 10 minutes ago.

Dad: No way!!

He totally didn't believe me. Then Nathan shot him a text with a picture of Xander laying spread eagle in the bassinet thing where they cleaned him up. Naturally my dad was super excited we had, had the baby and even more excited that he had proof it really was a boy. He even shouted to someone across the office that he was grandpa again. It was cute. I told him the short version of the story and then he asked if I had told my mom yet. I told him, no, that he was the first to know. He asked that I didn't tell her- he wanted to tell her and then they would come to the hospital together. (He told her by showing her the picture message of the baby- and she was like "Who is that?" Haha! He said something like- that's your grandson, Tarin had the baby!)

The picture Nathan sent my dad

Nathan called his mom and kinda got the same reaction. No one believed us at first when we called because we literally didn't tell a single person that we were at the hospital- and it all happened so fast that day that no one had any reason to believe that anything out of the ordinary was happening; after all, I wasn't due for another week! After Nathan called his mom, the news spread like wild fire on his side of the family. After that,Nathan sent out a birth announcement text to all the close friends and family and we started scheduling visitors for the evening. Everyone was so excited to meet him.

Then, we got a little time alone with the little guy and i got to nurse him for the first time. From the time he got here he his just been the greatest baby. He didn't cry hardly at all. He slept and ate well- and he made the cutest little baby noises. And of course, he was just as cute as could be! We are so blessed to have him in our family! We love him so, so much. I'm also so very grateful for such a quick and easy delivery. I know my experience isn't typical and I know many women have quite the opposite. I just feel  tremendously blessed and so proud to introduce everyone to our son! Welcome to the world Xander Paul Lunt!

post-pregnancy life

I haven't posted at all since Xander has been born, so obviously a lot has happened- on a lot of different levels. Here I am, two weeks after delivery, and I am happy to report that I feel fantastic. As I was laying on my tummy yesterday, for the first time in like 8 months, I felt so good and so comfortable and so happy- it was just re-affirmed in my mind that pregnancy is terrible. Life is so much better NOT pregnant. I understand that it's necessary and that it's a miracle-- but as much as it sucked, I am glad that I was able to experience it, and there are no words to even explain how grateful I am that it brought my precious little guy into my life- but I do not miss it at all!! I thought I might miss feeling the baby kicks- but having the actual baby and watching him kick and squirm outside the womb is like a gazillion times better. It was all worth it, but I am in no hurry to do it again.

So let me break down my post-pregnancy experience the best I can for you.

Emotionally- I truly expected to be an absolute emotional wreck after I delivered Xander- but I really haven't been. Yes, I can definitely tell that my hormones are going crazy, and I have felt like crying once or twice for no reason- but it hasn't been too bad. The past couple days I have noticed that I am a bit irritable, but that could be from the lack of sleep more than hormones. Besides the few days when Dave was missing and I was worried sick, I have been pretty darn happy. I love, love, love, love seeing Nathan's interactions with Xander. He is such a great daddy and you can just see him glowing with pride- he is head over heels in love with our little boy. I remember seeing a little quote on pinterest that said:

It is so, so true. My heart was so full of love for Nathan during the pregnancy, but I swear once I saw him with Xander, my heart could have exploded from love overload- for both of them! They both just make me happier than I have ever known. 

Mentally- My mental state isn't what it used to be- but that's most likely because I am only getting 2 hour chunks of sleep at a time. Days kinda all blend together and sometimes it takes a while for my brain to process things. Also, it's amazing how once Xander was born my brain just transitioned into being a mommy. He always comes first now- it's his needs above my own without even thinking about it. I don't even worry about the fact that I am not getting much sleep, because when I am waking up it's for his good and taking care of his needs; making sure he's eating enough, changing diapers, getting him back to sleep. And I always thought people were crazy when they told me all the gross stuff will be "different when it's your own-" but it's unbelievably true. I am not bothered at all by Xander's poopy diapers, or when he spits up all over the front of me, or spray sneezes me with a mouthful of milk. In fact, just as I finished typing this, I had to take a diaper changing break and as I was wiping him- poop shot out all over me and the changing table. I did not gag or freak out, I just cleaned him up and got a new diaper on him, and proceeded to clean the changing table and strip down everything with poop on it and put it in the washing machine. My entire world shifted gears when he was born-- and though it's very different it's great!

Physically- By the end of the day I am completely drained- but other than being tired I am really feeling quite excellent. The 3-5 days after delivery were the hardest- sore from stitches and hemorrhoids,  constipated, and a kidney infection on top of everything else. Really once the constipation passed I felt pretty great. I have a tiny bit of discomfort every now and then that usually passes pretty quickly- but in general this is the best that I have felt in long time! I can brush my teeth and walk around first thing in the morning without any fear of nausea or vomiting! I can roll over in bed and sit up and bend down without assistance! My feet aren't huge and swollen! I actually want to get up and do things- I don't feel like I need to be sitting or laying down all the time. Also, a little more than a week after Xander was born I was down 30+lbs! My post pregnancy tummy is pretty flabby and discouraging at this point (and hard to dress,) but weight-wise, I am pretty happy with the progress so far. I didn't realize how much belly I would still have after I delivered- check out these after baby-belly pics:

The day before I delivered:

2 days after delivery (Please excuse how terrible I look in this picture:)

5 days after delivery:

 13 days after delivery:

Craziness, right? All of those pictures were taken within 2 weeks! I am going to try and start taking some walks early in the morning, or maybe around the mall or something during the day (since it's so hot out-) and once I have my post-partum check up I will start working out again and try to tighten things back up as best I can.

Spiritually- I feel so incredibly blessed. It's hard for me to even find the words to express it. I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to raise this precious little child of God. I am eternally grateful that the three of us are forever sealed together as a family.  Having a child of my own, and feeling the intense parental love that I have has also strengthened my testimony of how much our Heavenly Father loves all of us. The Plan of Happiness is an amazing thing.

So that's what's been going on with "the momma" since the baby has been born. I know most people are much more interested in the baby now, and that's fine- but I get asked a lot how I am doing, so I thought I would post and let you all know!

my due date is 16 days away!

See, I told you I was a terrible blogger! I was like "I will post again later today or tomorrow morning with pictures of some the baby preparations that have been going on my latest belly picture!" ...now 5 DAYS LATER I am finally posting. Sheesh!

Ok, so here we go. We will start with baby stuff!

My mom finished Xander's rag quilt! I helped pick out the fabric. I think it turned out fabulous! I can't wait to take pictures of him with it. If you can't tell from the picture, it's a red, white, and blue nautical theme! So cute!

I was worried that I was going to go into labor and the car seat wouldn't be unpacked and put together, but thankfully my sister came over and helped get the travel system all set up. I love it even more out of the box! I think it's adorable AND I don't think I could have found a stroller that folds up more easily than this one does. This is obviously our first stroller, but I remember fighting with other strollers in my baby sitting days. Ours has one, easy to grab lever and it just folds right up! Perfect!

AND Now I can rest easy, knowing that if I go into labor we have a car seat to bring the baby home in.

While Jessica was over, she also helped to assemble the bouncy seat. We don't have batteries for it yet- but other than that, it's all ready to put a baby in! Cuteness!

A couple weeks ago I got bored on a Sunday and decided to put the swing together. I did all by myself! I am so proud! (I don't feel like I can do much with my giant belly these days.)  Just like the travel system, I am even more in love with the swing out of the box! I love the swaying motion, I love the sounds it makes, I love that I can plug it into the wall so we don't go through a gzillion batteries, I love that it has a timer on it...It's just perfect! I was so tempted to call people I know and ask them to bring their babies over to try out my awesome new swing.

Around the same time I put the swing together, I also put all the bedding on the crib- FINALLY! I have been waiting 3 YEARS to use this bedding. It's been killing me having to wait- but we didn't have the waterproof crib liners yet, so I couldn't do anything until we got them! I went on a giant Target shopping spree to get all my nursing bras and other postpartum stuff and picked up the crib liners while I was there. The very next day I set up the crib.

I did encounter a small problem while I was trying to get the bedding all situated. The crib is kinda close to the dresser, and I kept needing to squeeze between the two- and for some reason my pregnant brain kept forgetting that turning to the side no longer makes me skinnier. I was continually squishing and scraping my belly on the crib. 

We don't have a toy box or anything yet, so for now we are keeping all the stuffed animals on this adorable little safari themed bench that Nathan found on craigslist. 

So, the nursery is pretty much done- we are just waiting on a rocking chair! Once we have that I will post pictures of the nursery as a whole.

I found some pics on my phone that I never posted on here.

This is me in my maternity swimsuit:

And this is a picture of puffy preggo hippo feet/legs- and believe it or not, this is not even the worst my swelling has been!

And this is my view when I look down these days:

One thing that has been getting me down is everyone's comments on how huge I am.

 I think it's because I don't feel abnormally large for a pregnant person- maybe I just see something different when I look in the mirror than what the people around me see; maybe it's just because I am used to it.... I don't know. I am measuring bigger than normal for as far along as I am- it's just weird to me that so many people- most of which I don't even know- comment so freely on my size. I've even had people ask if I am having twins or triplets- I do my best to laugh it off, but in my head I'm like "Screw you."' I know that's not nice, I just don't think they are being very considerate making comments like that- in fact, I think it's pretty rude.

Anyway, here are so brand spanking new pictures of pregnant me. Please excuse my hair and my complete disregard for my appearance in general. I had only been awake for about an hour when I took these, and obviously hadn't gotten ready for the day yet. Also, try not to stare too much at swollen feet and cankles.

THIS is what I look like straight on:

 Then I turn to the side and it's like BAM! Preggo.

And here is a view from the other side! 

I did my best to look happy in the pictures, because in general I really am pretty happy most of the time, and I don't know if that really comes across in my blog and facebook posts. 

I am definitely feeling "ready" for this baby to come out though. They aren't lying when they say the last few weeks are the toughest. 

My doctor's appointment yesterday was pretty routine. My blood pressure looked good, the baby's heart rate was good, and I found out that I'm about a fingertip dilated but that the baby's head isn't really anywhere near where he needs to be for delivery. I have another appointment scheduled for next Tuesday, but my doctor is going to be out of town this weekend, so the way this pregnancy has been so far I am pretty sure that is when I am going to go into labor. HA!

Well, if I do, I'm ready. We are pre-registered at the hospital, the car seat is ready to go, and my hospital bag is all packed and sitting next to the door.