sometimes this hard

So, we are "trying" really hard this month. Usually I am optimistic, but for some reason I woke up this morning feeling hopeless. Some days I just feel like I am never going to be able to experience getting pregnant. I wish it all could just be easy for us, like it seems to be for so many other people. There are people that don't even want it or don't truly appreciate the blessing that are able- why not me? I know there are fertility specialists and adoption-- but I really, really don't want to go that route. And you probably think I am a crazy person for even thinking about all this before I even know if our trying is going to amount to anything this month- but I can't help it! Any spare moment my brain has is baby focused. I just want us to be a little family so bad! It makes my heart ache.

Speaking of heartache, Marvin & Sarah found out that they miscarried. When I found out they were pregnant, my heart broke for me- but when I found out they lost the baby my heart absolutely broke for her. I am sure she is feeling as bad as I am feeling- times ten! I just don't know how I will cope if I finally find out I am pregnant and then I miscarry. At least Sarah has precious little Marley to help boost her spirits a bit. I had lunch with Virginia and Marley the other day and I couldn't believe happy and smiley Marley was the whole time! No fits or crying- just grins and giggles. So cute.

Well, I just needed to get all that out in the open. We really want our pregnancy to be surprise, but sometimes it's hard and I just want to talk to someone. It drives me insane when people think that we haven't had a baby yet because we don't feel like it or don't want to or whatever. And when people ask us when it's going to happen I want to yell at them to mind their own damn business! But I can't do that- because they all mean well and I know they are just as anxious to see it happen as I am. They don't know all the struggle going on behind the scenes.

Ok- off to do the million things I need to do now.