Well I am officially NOT pregnant, once again. I am laying in bed writing this on my iPhone- absolutely devastated. Ever since I got my period yesterday I have been crying randomly and experiencing a whole roller coaster of emotions. I just don't understand… I don't understand why my body won't do what it was designed to do. I don't understand why I can't experience like the main thing we were put on this earth experience. And I am angry. I am angry at my body for betraying me. I am angry that I am surrounded by reminders everywhere of what I want so desperately and can't have. I am heart broken....like literally- I can feel my heart ripping in half inside my chest. All I want to do is curl up in bed for like ever! I don't want to be around people, I don't want to do anything-- I feel helpless and hopeless.
Nathan was talking to a friend at work who also is experiencing fertility issues and they gave us a reference to a fertility doctor that for sure take our insurance- so I guess that's going to be our next step. Well that is if Dr. Tutt won't refill my Clomid without an appointment.
I guess I should try to sleep. More later.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
waiting...
It's been a while since I have posted- I've had a bunch of crazy junk going on in my life and just haven't gotten around to it. I've thought about it at least a dozen times, I just never got around to doing it. So here are a couple things that have happened:
-As of June 29th I no longer have a full time job. It's a long story that I don't want to get into a the moment- but I can tell you one thing- it is absolutely for the best. I honestly couldn't be happier- my stress levels are way down for the most part. My former employer has dragged me through some ridiculous unemployment battling which has been frustrating but it has shown me their true colors and I am so happy not to be affiliated with anymore. I am kinda ashamed that I work for someone who behaves in the manner that they do. ANYWAY- like I said, my stress is way down now, so perhaps that might help with the fertility issues.
-I intentionally missed one month of Clomid and then accidentally missed a second month because I forgot to refill the prescription on time. Both months were surprisingly normal cycle wise- a little longer than normal but not too bad. In August I took my last prescribed month of Clomid- we gave it good try and now I am just waiting and waiting for what seems like forever. I should be able to take a pregnancy test in a day or two.
Of course I am doing what I always do- convincing myself that I am pregnant and then talking myself out of it. This time my symptoms are fatigue, weird new sensations in my lower abdomen, and mild breast tenderness.
Nathan pointed out the other day that if I am pregnant, we could announce it to the family at Christmas- and I was like- yeah, don't think that I haven't already thought of that! I think that would be so fun. Anyway- I have many other things to do, so that's all for now. I will post again in a day or so.
-As of June 29th I no longer have a full time job. It's a long story that I don't want to get into a the moment- but I can tell you one thing- it is absolutely for the best. I honestly couldn't be happier- my stress levels are way down for the most part. My former employer has dragged me through some ridiculous unemployment battling which has been frustrating but it has shown me their true colors and I am so happy not to be affiliated with anymore. I am kinda ashamed that I work for someone who behaves in the manner that they do. ANYWAY- like I said, my stress is way down now, so perhaps that might help with the fertility issues.
-I intentionally missed one month of Clomid and then accidentally missed a second month because I forgot to refill the prescription on time. Both months were surprisingly normal cycle wise- a little longer than normal but not too bad. In August I took my last prescribed month of Clomid- we gave it good try and now I am just waiting and waiting for what seems like forever. I should be able to take a pregnancy test in a day or two.
Of course I am doing what I always do- convincing myself that I am pregnant and then talking myself out of it. This time my symptoms are fatigue, weird new sensations in my lower abdomen, and mild breast tenderness.
Nathan pointed out the other day that if I am pregnant, we could announce it to the family at Christmas- and I was like- yeah, don't think that I haven't already thought of that! I think that would be so fun. Anyway- I have many other things to do, so that's all for now. I will post again in a day or so.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
