less than a month

Yep- it's right around the corner. It feels incredibly close now- but it's still hard to wrap my head around. In 30 days or less we are going to be parents- like to a tiny human. Craziness. I'm not freaking out or anything, it's just a strange concept to really grasp- if that makes any sense at all.

This past weekend we had the pleasure to go to 2 Memorial Day weekend BBQs. One on Saturday at my cousin Desiree's house and another on Monday at Marvin and Sarah's. BOTH involved a swimming pool- which was glorious. I wish I had a car everyday so I could go somewhere to swim. We were playing water volleyball on Monday, and when I got out of the pool to grab the ball I was like "Holy Cow! My belly feels so freaking heavy coming out of the water!"

Just when I think I can't get more uncomfortable- it happens. New aches and pains and discomforts arise almost daily. Sleeping is even harder than before. Last night I started in a normal position on the bed, then turned with my head at the foot of the bed, then dogs woke me up and that wasn't comfortable anymore, and I moved to the floor and was awake for about 2 hours- and when I did fall asleep the hardness of the floor made me need to roll over like every 20-40 minutes, then I woke up around 6 and moved back to the bed and couldn't get comfortable and cried for 2 hours and tried a variety of positions. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep but the comfortable positions made it hard to breath and the easy to breath positions just weren't comfortable. I even tried sitting on the floor with my back against the wall, and sitting along side the bed, resting my head on the mattress. It was very distressing. I tried snuggling up with Nathan to help calm me down, but of course, that turned into a hard to breath position. Finally I found a semi-comfortable position and my body just gave in to the exhaustion and I fell asleep for another couple hours before starting my day. I will probably be on the couch the remainder of my pregnancy.

This boy of mine is almost constantly moving and stretching out my belly which is less fun as he is getting bigger. He often makes it look like I have an alien living inside me because his movement is very visible from the outside nowadays. I'm pretty sure I have been experiencing braxton hix contractions. This weekend I was having some sorta something going on in my back- it happened about 5-6 times on Saturday and felt what I imagine would be contraction like, but it was in my back, not my belly. Hopefully when I go into labor, I don't wind up with back labor because it hurt....and really SUCKED!

My blood pressure has been running high and I have had disgusting swelling, so I get to go to a bonus doctor's appointment on Thursday and I am supposed to be keeping off my feet as much as possible. I have too much to do to be put on bed rest! We'll see what happens. I am really worried that it's going to wind up being preeclampsia and they are going to induce me early and/or I am going to have to have a scheduled c-section. Well, I guess it's dumb to worry until I know more. I will blog again once I know something.

just around the corner....

I really am just a terrible blogger. I have been drafting this post in my mind for well over a week now, and I have had the time, I just never sit down to write it out.

Anyway- I have had TWO doctors appointments since my last post. The first was really brief- no significant news. They did check my cervix because I had been experiencing weird pains/discomfort but everything was as it should be; no dilation or ripening or anything. I can tell you one thing though- cervical checks kinda suck! OUCH! I was not expecting it to be so uncomfortable. Hopefully I don't need another one of those until it's go time. At that appointment we also asked about the heart shaped uterus issue, and when we would know if a c-section was going to be needed or not. Doctor told us there is no way to know until I am in labor. This answer is good I suppose, but sucks at the same time. I would just like to be able to plan and prepare my mind one way or the other- but if there is anything I have learned in this life it is that nothing ever goes as planned.

At my most recent appointment my blood pressure was a little high, but my resting blood pressure was ok- so if that keeps up I may be put on bed rest the last few weeks. I'm supposed to check it regularly and let the doctor know if it keeps running high. I had a weird thing happen with my eyes a few day before my appointment. I was watching tv before bed and I got a pixelated rainbow ring in my vision- it looked kinda like a kaleidoscope. I checked my bp and googled it- since it was the middle of the night- and according to Dr. Internet- it's a symptom of edema of the eyes. I wasn't too worried because I know edema is normal in late pregnancy, but I had never heard of it in the eyes- usually it's just referring to the swelling in the feet/ankles etc. So I mentioned it to the doctor and he said it's probably pregnancy related but nothing dangerous to be worried about.  I also found out that I am, and have been, measuring ahead of schedule- but that may just be me getting fatter and not necessarily the baby. At my next appointment I will be almost 37 weeks- which is considered full term. THAT is craziness. It makes me feel like I actually am getting close to the end though. I will get an ultra sound to find out how big the baby actually is and I will get the strep B test and all that. I'm so excited! It seems like forever since I have had an ultra sound- I can't wait to see my little, or maybe not so little, guy and find out how he is growing.

He is still moving around a lot- and it's becoming more and more noticeable. I can actually see my belly moving all day long and other people have witnessed it too. It freaks my sister out- which is hilarious because she has two kids of her own. I think it's kinda cool to watch, but at the same time- it is kinda freaky and looks like something out of a sci-fi movie.

As I expected, many of my daily tasks are becoming more difficult and I am continually uncomfortable. I am learning to just deal with it though- there isn't much that can make me feel better, so I have just accepted it as part of my fate. That does not mean that I don't wince or moan or sigh deeply from time to time- I just do my best to go through my day as normally as possible. I cannot wait to get into a pool and swim- I hear it's just so lovely for pregnant ladies. I am even considering just getting into a cool bath tub today.

Oh, speaking of swimming- I bought my maternity swimsuit. It was worse than shopping for a regular swimsuit. Nothing fit right- everything was too big or too small- I am in between sizes. Well actually, I am two different sizes which makes things even worse. I am one size in my bust and another size in my belly. So obviously I can't be wearing a swimsuit that's too tight, so I had to get one that is a little big and kinda baggy in the boobs. I really don't like it. I don't like how it looks on me or how it makes me feel and I really don't like that I had to pay $55 for a swimsuit that only kind of fits that I will wear for a little over a month. I am getting upset just thinking about it. Maybe I can use the new sewing machine Nathan got me for Mother's Day to make it more flattering. If only my tummy wasn't disgusting and covered in horrible stretch marks- then I could just get a bikini and not worry about it. I am so jealous of the mommies with no stretch marks and pretty baby bellies.  (Insert sad pouty face here)

My body is making me depressed these days; not just the stretch mark belly, but also my huge puffy hippo feet, and the fact that people raise their eyebrows or get looks of terror on their faces when I tell them how far a long I am, making me feel like a giant whale. I know it doesn't matter what I look like- and all that matters is keeping the baby safe and healthy- but it's still hard. And I have had lots and lots of people tell me that I look adorable pregnant and that I am carrying the baby well and all that, but it's the people starring at my swollen feet and the looks and the "Oh my gosh, you are going to be huge!" or "Hopefully you deliver early...." comments that get me the most. I won't miss that at all.

I do have a lot to be grateful for though. I have been able to get out of the house and do some fun things. I got to have lunch my friend Shilo, who I hadn't seen in ages, and got to meet her little baby boy, Henry. I also got to spend a day at the lake with my family and baby gifts keep trickling in- which is fun, we only have a few items left to to purchase before Xander gets here, we are winding up the landscape prep in the back yard, AND we are finishing up the refinance on our house. So good things are happening! I don't mean to sound like a complainer!

Oh, we also booked our hotel room for our trip to St. George in September. It was kinda weird planning a vacation with our tiny human in mind, especially since he isn't even born yet- but I am really excited to go and even more excited that we get bring Xander along to meet everyone at the reunion. Well, I think that is all for now!

a dream is a wish your heart makes

I was driving home after dropping Nathan off at work this morning, and nothing good was on the radio, so I turned on my favorite Disney cd, "Simply Mad About the Mouse" and was so excited when my favorite song came on first. I am not sure if I have mentioned the song on this blog before I got pregnant, but I used to listen to it all the time because it gave me a little glimmer of hope; A Dream is Wish Your Heart Makes. I smiled and began singing along and it wasn't very far into the song when I had to stop singing because I had started crying.

As I sang the lyrics, my mind wandered back to the many, many times I had listened to the song before- dreaming of one day becoming a mother, the silent prayers of pleading for strength, comfort, and faith that seemed to play on repeat in my mind, and the heart break I felt one failed attempt after another. I knew deep down that one day it would happen, and  Nathan and I would have little family of our own, but it seemed so far away and often so hopeless. And today, as that song played, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks- that my someday is here; the dream that I wished has come true and in just about 7 weeks I am going to be holding the answer to my prayers in my arms.

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you will lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and some day

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving, 

if you keep on believing

The dream that you wish will come true

I know I typically post more about the discomforts and weirdness that pregnancy brings, but I just wanted to express how truly grateful I am for the blessing of this child in our lives and testify to the power of faith and prayers. I literally can't put into words my joy and gratitude. I just wanted to make sure that I acknowledged these feelings and wrote them down while they were still fresh in my mind.

baby shower, maternity pics, and more!

Well, it's May. Do you know what that means? That means I am supposed to have this baby NEXT MONTH!! It sounds crazy close when I say it like that. However, it still seems really far away. I swear the days are going slower, and the nights are so much longer now; third trimester discomforts.

I was watching the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" movie the other day, while working on some pottery, and found myself relating to the character Wendy Cooper (played by Elizabeth Banks) A LOT. She and her husband try for two years before they finally get pregnant- and she is of course over the moon- but experiences all the crappy, uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms. She does her best to put on her happy pregnant lady face, until this scene...

Oh my heavens, can I EVER agree with her- especially with how giant and uncomfortable I have felt lately. Oh, and I discovered a new pregnancy symptom that I had never heard anyone mention before- my finger joints are so achy! I feel like an old lady with arthritis. NOT fun. Nathan thinks it has something to do with the swelling I get in my hands sometimes- I don't know what it is, but I will be so happy when it's gone. I don't really have anything else to report- I am just getting bigger and bigger and sore and uncomfortable- and it seems like that's just how it will be until this little guy decides to make his big debut.

Luckily though, I have had some fun things to distract me! Like my baby shower! I must admit, I have never been a fan of baby showers, but it is different when it's your own. It was so nice to see everyone! There were a few people there that I hadn't seen in years! Even if there had been no food, or games, or presents, it was still a blast to have everyone there and to visit and feel all the love and support. It makes me so happy to know there are so many people that love little Xander already.

My sister was kind enough to throw the shower for me and my mom was kind enough to help. Jessica made the invites and his is what they looked like:

My mom was in charge of the food- here is a picture of the food table:

Since the shower was at night, we had all desserts/sweet stuff. There were cupcake push-ups, cake pops, cookies, mini pineapple upside down cakes, brownies, fudge, a peanut butter cheese ball, m&m shooters, and some yummy sweet green salsa. 

The decoration were all safari/ baby lion king theme- and so cute!

Here a few pictures of various guests:

In the picture below, we are playing one of the shower games. We played a fill in the blank game with nursery rhymes, "Name the TV Kids" (which I did far better on than I probably should have,) and Guess Tarin's belly size. 2 people were almost exactly right on how big around I am- very impressive. I was most happy about the people who guessed too small- since I have been feeling so HUGE!

And here are a couple photos of me opening some gifts:

Everyone was so generous, we feel so blessed! I separated everything into categories when I got home, so it would be easier to put away. Here is a break down of what we got!

Here is all the gifts (condensed for travel purposes) 

Shoes and Accessories:

Newborn clothes:

 3 month clothes

6 month clothes:

 9 month clothes:

A Bouncy Seat!

 Blankets and Bedding: 

 Bath Stuff!

 Bibs and Burp Rags:

Feeding stuff:

BOOKS!

(The invite for the shower asked that guests bring books in lieu of cards- I love them all, but a few I am SUPER excited about because I loved them so much when I was a kid)

DIAPERS!

We also did a diaper a raffle at the shower, and wound up with enough diapers to last us through about the first month.

Thanks, Sister! For hosting me a great shower!!

(Isn't it kinda weird how not-pregnant I look from straight on?)

Since the shower we have also gotten another hooded bath towel, more diapers, and a Boppy!

My nesting urges also kinda kicked in after the shower. I want to make sure we have everything so I checked everything we got from the shower off our "Newborn Essentials" checklist and started shopping for the other stuff. I made lists and went through coupons and did some price comparisons and research- so we could get the best prices on the items I felt would work best for us. 

Here is some of the fun I have had on my baby shopping sprees!

  

This is a stock photo of the swing I picked out. It is different than the one I thought I wanted originally- this one sways rather than "swinging-" I picked it because so many moms mentioned in the reviews that they could go from swaying with their infant in their arms and transition to swing without the baby waking up or noticing anything had changed. PLUS- it's baby Lion King, and how stinking cute is that?!

My mom and I also took a trip to the mall, since I had some Children's Place gift cards and I got our little guy a few more pairs of shorts, and this adorable little outfit! I am thinking family pictures for Christmas cards!! 

While we were out my mom also got us a few things- some sports binkies, a binky that closes to protects it from germs when it falls to the ground, some other binks, binky clips, sunglasses, and a "sports cup" to cover his boy bits during diaper changes to prevent us from getting surprise squirts! I have still not decided if this product is genius or ridiculous. I guess I will know a few months!

I did some other online shopping at Target and got the crib mattress and baby monitor, both of which should arrive next week.

Nathan and I did some shopping this past weekend and picked up a baby bath tub, more bibs, baby wash clothes, a few bottles, a bottle warmer, side snap t-shirts, a baby health/grooming kit, wipes, and some swaddlers. 

So much stuff! This is what the nursery looks like at the moment:

I am still figuring out exactly where I am going to put everything. Not that we don't have space it all, it's just I've never done the whole baby thing before, so I am trying to figure out logistically where everything should go. It's making it all seem so much more real and I am loving it. I am actually starting to feel more like a mommy and not a fat hoarder with an alien living in my stomach.

The day after the shower, at our monthly Lunt family dinner, my awesome sister in law, Amy, snapped a few maternity pictures for us. Everyone kept saying that I should get some taken, or I would regret it- so I did. I haven't been super psyched with my pregnant physique these days, but I figured for documentation purposes they would be nice to have. 

Turns out, I actually really love them! So here they are!

In other news, we took our child birth class this weekend. It was interesting. The first day was a lot of lecture and a lot information that I didn't feel was as important/relevant- but I still found very interesting. Nathan thought it was kinda boring. He did what he could to make it fun for both of us though. When we got the part that discusses the anatomy of pregnancy, they gave us a diagram of the pregnant body and we were supposed to label all the different body parts. Nathan kept making me laugh by insisting that the liver was a tumor, because we couldn't figure out what it was. Overall though, we did pretty good! Nathan knew a lot more about a preggo's biology/anatomy than I thought he would!

We also talked about nutrition during pregnancy and the instructor had all the mommies-to-be write down what they had eaten all day. Knowing how my eating habits have been lately Nathan got a big grin on his face and was like "Yeah Tarin, write it down. Start with dinner!" 

My eating for the day wasn't that bad, I actually ate less than I should have- but Nathan was looking over the list and was like "Noodles? For breakfast?!" I pointed in his face and said "I just like noodles, ok?! Don't judge me!" and we both laughed. 

The second day was way more fun. We learned breathing and relaxation techniques for when I go into labor. Of course, my goofy husband kept me smiling the whole time with goofy faces and tickles. Hopefully I find him that hilarious and charming when I actually go into labor.   We "practiced contractions" by putting our hands in ice water- and then tried out different breathing patterns to figure out what might work best for us on delivery day. The dad's had to have a couple "contractions" too. It was awesome to watch the faces of the guys around the room while they were doing it. The instructor was impressed that none of them cried. Nathan was pretty tough through the first one, but the second one I could tell was really pretty uncomfortable for him. 

After the class, I do feel better prepared for coping with labor. I have read up on the labor and delivery processes enough that I already understood what would happen- but now I feel like I have some good tools in belt to help me handle it mentally and physically. And sticking your hand in ice to practice to practice contractions may sound dumb-but it was kinda painful and definitely not comfortable and I was able to find out what worked and didn't work for me in making the "contractions" easier or at least seem to go by faster. 

And Nathan was able to learn what I thought worked best and different positions for laboring and how I like to be touched to make me feel calm and relaxed. It was a good experience and I really enjoyed doing some that focused on us as a little family.

We also toured the hospital, which also made me feel so much more prepared for delivery. I looooooove how Banner Gateway has their maternity floor laid out. It's all on the ground floor and it's right next to the main entrance  so it's easy to find. They are really family focused and everything is set up to make things as easy as possible. The operating rooms for c-sections are right across the hall from the labor and delivery rooms- so if I do wind up needing to be cut open it's not like I have to go to different floor for surgery or anything- it's all right there. All the L&D rooms have showers in them with the detachable shower heads to help ease the pain of labor, plus I have access to the Japanese soaking tub (as long as I haven't had any pain medication yet.) They also provided birthing balls to sit on and a squat bar if I decide I want to try birthing in a squatting position. They have a really nice private garden too- but I have a feeling we won't really use that much since I am due at the end of June and it's gonna be super hot. 

Nathan didn't understand why we would be in so many different rooms; triage, then labor and delivery, and then a postpartum room. But overall, I think he took some good information away from the tour and knows a little better what to expect. 

Speaking of Nathan, I am so freaking in love with him these days. Obviously, I have always loved him- but it's crazy how much more and more I love him every day. Just when I don't think it's possible- BAM! I love him more! I am afraid that my heart might just explode from so much loving by the time the baby is born! Experiencing this miracle together has been just amazing. I feel soooooooo blessed to have the opportunity to become a mother and to share it all with such an amazing man. :)

Well, I think that pretty much sums it up for now. My next doctors appointment is on Monday, so I am sure I will probably post a small update sometime afterwards.