squishy

My squishy:

 

Yep! Today was the day I got to see actual evidence of a baby growing inside. I have been feeling evidence for a while- the latest "feeling" development has been nausea today and yesterday. So gross- I kinda wish I could just throw up and maybe make the icky nausiated feeling go away.

 

I go back to for another ultra sound next Friday, the 9th. By that time I should be able to see something inside the sack, and possibly the flicker of a heartbeat! Then at our next appointment I think I get to hear the heartbeat- I'll make sure Nathan comes to that appointment for sure.

 

 

 

quick update

Dr. Tutt's nurse, Brooke, called me today to about my blood work from yesterday. She told me that all my levels are consistent with a 5 week pregnancy- so that's good news! I still have my two other appointments next week for more blood and another ultra sound. She said their office won't officially claim pregnancy until they see a heart beat which could be another week after my next ultra sound.

I think that I am going to wind up cancelling my appointment with the fertility doctor.

apprehensive

So, Nathan and I went to see Dr. Tutt today. The appointment wasn't exactly what I had hoped, but it kind of was what I expected. When we first pulled up in front of the office and Nathan read the name off the window he said "So that's the guy who's going to be looking at you who-ha?" I can always count him to say something classy like that! It did make me laugh though. Obviously, he's never been to gynecologist's office before- so this was a brand new experience for him.

First Dr. Tutt did like a little pelvic exam- and said that the uterus felt soft and that that was a good sign. Then he warned me that it might be too early to see anything and did an ultra sound. He could see on the ultra sound that my uterine lining is nice and thick and found one spot in general that was especially thick, but egg sack. That doesn't mean that I'm not pregnant, it simply means that if I am, the sack hasn't developed yet. So, the ultra sound looked good, but didn't really give us any definite answers. So he decided to take blood today to check my hcg levels and then I have to go back and have more blood taken on Monday to check the levels again- and if they have risen, then I am probably pregnant. He also scheduled me for a second ultra sound one week from today. Nathan won't be able to make it to the next appointment because of his work schedule- so that's kind of a bummer. I was hoping that he could be there the first time the little speck that will eventually be our baby shows up.

Anyway, I emailed Dr. Behara's office and let them know what was going on and asked what I should do. I don't know if I should cancel my appointment all together, because there isn't a 100% guarantee that this pregnancy thing is legit yet- so maybe I just need to move the appointment back until I know for sure? At the same time though, I don't want to deprive another couple from their fertility appointment if I don't need it.

I'm not sure what words to use to describe how I am feeling right now. I guess the best one would be "apprehensive." I have just gotten my hopes up so high for a pregnancy before and had them crushed, I just don't want that to happen again. I was really hoping to go to the doctor today and have a sure answer; to have an ultra sound and be able to see enough to know for sure that something was growing in there. I mean, all the signs are pointing to a likely yes- my uterus feels good, it looks like something might be starting to happen in there, the pregnancy test turned positive..... but what if it's some weird medical fluke. What if it's not a healthy pregnancy? What if things didn't/don't go right with implantation and I miscarry? I am so scared that this isn't going to happen. I have every reason to be happy and have high hopes and all I can think about right now is everything that has gone wrong in the past and everything that could go wrong.

And I HATE the fact that I have to wait. Waiting sucks! Monday seems forever away- and Wednesday seems even further! When all I was waiting for was my fertility appointment that was scheduled a week from tomorrow- that didn't seem all that far away! I was fine waiting for that- but this seems unbearable! I hate the unknown! Ugh!.... I know I just need to say a prayer and have faith that everything is going to fine. I know it will be- even if something does go wrong or this doesn't work out- I know I will be ok. It will hurt- but I will make it through. I just want so much to cry right now. Maybe I will ask Nathan for a blessing when he gets home from mutual. Hopefully I can get a decent night's rest tonight too.  *sigh

it's all so clear now....

So, before I got the shock of my life the other day, I honestly didn't think I was pregnant so I wasn't identifying things as pregnancy symptoms- and now that I know I am seeing the signs all over the place! I don't know if I'm like hyper-aware of things that are happening with my body now or if my brain is just making me think I have symptoms. Nathan believes it to be more of the latter, but he's still skeptical about the whole pregnancy thing until it is confirmed by a doctor.

Anyway, here are some of the symptoms that I have been experiencing the last couple days.

Sore boobs. This is pretty much constant- and I noticed it long before I took the pregnancy test. I have been wearing sports bras a lot- no under wire please! Also- my boobs feel heavy and HUGE. I guess I should get used to that though; from what I have read that feeling is going to be with me for a while.

Bloated and "gassy?" I've got all kinds of sensations going on in my lower abdomen, it's totally weird. I think the best way I could describe it would be a very mild menstrual cramp mixed with the intestinal movement that usually follows a meal from Panda Express....there is just a lot of feelings going on below the belly button. Plus I feel puffy and bloated in my tummy area, much like I would around my period.

Heartburn! Not long after I eat the heart burn kicks in and sometimes randomly throughout the day and night. It's not bad or anything, just enough to be kind of annoying.

I'm so tired! I may be implementing a mid-day nap into my schedule. Lately I am less worried about the next time I get to eat and more worried about the next opportunity I am going to have to lay down!

Gurgly...That is the best word I can use to describe it. It's not morning sickness or nausea...my tummy just feels gurgly and kinda gassy. I don't feel like I am going to throw up or anything yet, but it's definitely unsettled.

also...

I have to pee! I am going potty waaaay more often than usual, but I am also trying to consciously drink more water.  We went and did north side deliveries last night and I peed before we left, then I had to pee again when we got to one of the store, and then I had to pee again when we got home!


So, that's the extent of my pregnancy symptoms so far. Maybe it's a little TMI- but look, I'm just gonna be real. I have crazy desire to want to document like every step of this pregnancy, which may be kind of weird but I just feel like I should do it.

I really can't complain symptoms- they aren't bad right now. Even when I feel they are mildly annoying I can't help but remember what a miracle it is that I am even pregnant at all. I just think about how long I have waited for this and symptoms become of a blessing than a burden.

In other news...

I called Dr. Tutt's office yesterday to make my first pre-natal appointment. The lady that answered the phone said that he usually likes to see patients between the 8th and 12th week, and got me scheduled for November 18th. However, since I have a fertility appointment scheduled with Dr. Behara, and I want to be certain that I really am pregnant before I cancel it I left a message with Dr. Tutt's nurse explain my predicament. She called me back and told me that they could get me in this week for an ultra sound and blood work! So, I actually have my first pre-natal visit TOMORROW! I am really excited- a little nervous- but mostly excited. Nathan is going to try to get off work early so he can be there too.


I have downloaded a couple of pregnancy apps on my phone. I have the "My Pregnancy" app from Baby Center and the "What to Expect: Pregnancy" app. I like them both- they both have good information on a daily and weekly basis about what is going on inside me. And the "What to Expect" app has great message boards! The default board that they always show is for everyone whose estimated due date is in the same month as yours. I love reading all the excitement and concerns of women that are at roughly the same stage in their pregnancy as me. I will probably make good use of these message boards because, honestly, the more I think about being pregnant the more I feel a bit terrified! Knowing things about pregnancy and than realizing that you actually are pregnant and all those things you "know" are going to be happening to you is crazy and a bit scary sometimes. There are so many changes and unknowns! I am really hoping that after I get a "Yeah, you are for sure pregnant," from the doctor, that Nathan will be a little more open and involved in the whole process, because I have a feeling I am going need to some major support!

holy bananas.....

Let me start by saying I am completely in shock right now. I was expecting my period Friday and it didn't come so I figured I would buy a pregnancy test to put my mind at ease- so while we were at Home Depot I had Nathan swing over to the dollar store. They had ovulation tests, drug tests, uti tests, and menopause tests- but no pregnancy tests. (btw- what the heck is a menopause test for??) So I had to go up to little Walmart and pay $7 for a two pack! Seems like a lot of money for a test that is probably going to be negative anyway. So I came home and peed on one of the sticks- I sat there like I usually and watched it percolate and thought to myself, "Hmm, look at that you can kinda see where the line would be if I were pregnant...." and literally seconds later that faint blue line became a very distinct solid blue line-even before the  line in the control window showed up. HOLY CRAP! I'M PREGNANT! At least that is what the pee stick said.

You're probably wondering in what adorable, well thought out way I told my husband. Well, here's the story- I marched myself into the office where Nathan was working on some invoicing and put it right in front of his face.  What can I say- I was absolutely freaking out! My mind wasn't thinking about how to make a cutesy announcement. I have taken dozens of pregnancy tests in our 3 1/2 years of marriage and they have all come out negative and resulted in a sob fest for yours truly. All I could to think to do was hold the test out for him to look at. How did he react? "So I am guessing you are gonna want to make a doctors appointment tomorrow?"

 So, I have pretty much been sitting on the office floor freaking out ever since- and drinking water so I can take more pregnancy tests just to make sure. And in case you were wondering, yes, I cried.  I guess this explains why my boobs have been so dang sore and my minor queasiness the fast few days. My boobs always hurt around my period though, so I didn't think anything of it. Holy moly- I still just can't believe this.... I have wanted this for so long! Ack! Ok- I will write more later after more pee tests.


A few hours later....

I think the initial shock has worn off now. It's still hard to believe. I took the second test and it was positive just as fast as the first one. We went to do some pottery deliveries and I brought my "Pregnancy Week by Week" book to look over. I guess I will be calling Dr. Tutt's office tomorrow to make an appointment. I want to make sure this pregnancy is legit before I call up Dr. Behara's office and cancel my appointment with her- I have been waiting way to long for that appointment to just call up and cancel if by some fluke I got 2 false positives.

It's still hard to really wrap my head around the thought of....all of it! I have been through so many periods that had way more symptoms of pregnancy- I honest to God didn't think I was pregnant at all. I was just blissfully looking forward to getting answers from a fertility doctor in a couple weeks.

Guess what my charming husband said? "Well, so much for you losing weight." I was like- "Gee, thanks for reminding me that I going to get fat...well, fatTER!" Goodness, he always knows just what to say! Hahaha

Wow, I can't believe I am finally writing this blog. This is craziness! According to the due date calculator on babycenter.com I should be due at the end of June next year. The website informed me "Right now you're about 4 weeks pregnant and your baby is the size of a poppy seed." How interesting. It also told me that if I want to wait until the riskiest part of my pregnancy is over- the date to announce my pregnancy is December 28th.... yeah, I think I am going to make the announcement a few days before that! A Christmas baby announcement?! I've always hoped that I could share the news around a family-centric holiday like Christmas! Now I just need to think of an adorable way to tell our family (Since I shared it so un-adorably with my husband!)

Well, I guess I will be posting on here more often now! Hopefully I will have more news soon!

meet paisley!!

Our new neice came and we are so excited! This is the first baby that's been born into the family since I was officially diagnosed with an infertility issue, so I wasn't sure how I would feel about- but I believe that God's timing is perfect. If she had come a couple weeks earlier, I probably wouldn't have even gone to the hospital to see her because I would be too busy slitting my wrists out of absolute hopelessness and despair (I had quite a rough patch there last month.)

 

 

 

But baby Paisley's arrival actually fell at a great time and I was genuinely excited to meet her and hold a little baby in my arms even if it's not my own.

 

So without further aduie, I introduce to you my newest little niece- Paisley May Lunt!

 

 

She was born on October 3rd at 8:44 p.m.

8 lbs 12.7 oz and 21" long

 

She looks quite a bit like Marley except with she got the Lunts' darker hair and skin. She's a cutie!

 

Here is a picture of Marley checking out her new baby sister. She was not impressed upon their firtst meeting, but as she was going to leave she waved good-bye all cute and blew Paisley some kisses. Adorable!

 

 

Mema holding her newest grandbaby:

 

 

Me, holding the little bundle of Joy!

 

 

And Uncle Nathan!

It's always precious to watch Nathan hold babies. I think he's kinda unsure what to do with them when they are this size. He's more a fan of the toddler age when they can run around and play, but before they get sassy!

I think he'll fall in love once we have a baby of our own though.

 

 

 

Here are a couple other shots I snapped while Virginia was holding her.  She was making so many cute faces- she looked so happy! I almost died from cuteness!

 

 

 

It's a good thing this little one looks so much like her mama or else I might try and steal her and pass her off as my own!

 

In other baby news, our appointment with Dr. Behara got moved up a week because she had to schedule a surgery the day of our original appointment. So that's great news! A little less of a wait!

 

AND

 

When we got home from visiting the baby at the hospital I peed on a stick and found out I had started ovulating! Yay! I am crossing my fingers that being around that little baby will kick start some hormones or some chemical reaction in my brain or body or whatever and get my preggers! I am keeping my fingers crossed! Wouldn't it be lovely if I had that wonderful reason to cancel my fertility appointment?

 

That's all for now- I will post in couple weeks and let ya know if I am knocked up or not. :)

 

the next step...

So after I pulled myself out of my no-baby funk- I called up Dr. Tutt's office to have him write a new prescription for Clomid and started round #4. Then a couple days later I called to make an appointment with the fertility doctors that Nathan's co-worker recomended to us. It took a couple days to get a call back, but we finally were able to make an appointment to see Dr. Millie Behara... in November! Ugh. I am excited to be moving forward and to get some answers but as has been my experience in just about every other aspect of my infertility- I just have to wait...and wait...and wait.  In the mean time Nathan and I have both filled out all our new patient paperwork and we are crossing our fingers that there will be a cancelation so we can get in sooner. OR that this round of Clomid actually does something and that I wind up getting preggers before our appointment rolls around.

We have started thinking about how we are going to pay for all the testing and fertility treatments and possible adoptions that may be in our future- since we don't fell comfortable financing- and we decided to start a fund raising blog, selling my crafts and stuff. All the procedes from things sold off the blog will go to our "Baby Fund. You can check out the blog here.

As for what's going on here and now- this morning I started my ovulation testing for this dose of Clomid. I don't think I ever mentioned this on my last cycle but I have fallen in love with the Clearblue digital ovulation tests. So much easier than the traditional tests. There are no faint or blurry lines to try and decipher- it's either an empty circle or a smiley face- period. No partial faces- the circle is either empty or it's not! Crystal clear and fantastic! I was able to buy 30 tests for like $35! That should last me like 3 months. Fantastic! ....I think only people that have the need to pee on a stick multiple times a months can truly appreciate this technology.

Oh! And we are supposed to be getting a new niece tomorrow! Our sister-in-law, Sarah, is being induced at some point on Wednesday- so that's exciting! I will probably post some pictures this weekend. Until then- I will be thinking positive!